


Watershed

by ChrisCalledMeSweetie



Series: It's All Fun and Games [1]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Gen, Humor, Word Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 21:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18820762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisCalledMeSweetie/pseuds/ChrisCalledMeSweetie
Summary: Douglas and Martin engage in a rather risqué game.





	Watershed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DaisyFairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyFairy/gifts), [Iwantthatcoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwantthatcoat/gifts).



“I’ll start. Horny toad.”

 

“Bonefish.”

 

“Cockle.”

 

“Dik-dik.”

 

“Kinkajou.”

 

“You made that up.”

 

“No I didn’t. The kinkajou is an arboreal mammal also known as a honey bear.”

 

“If you say so. I’ll go with something a bit less obscure. Peacock.”

 

“Obvious, but a good one.”

 

“Yeah, good one, Skip. What are you two playing?”

 

“Animals whose names David Attenborough shouldn’t mention until after the watershed.”

 

“Oooh — can I play?”

 

“You certainly _may_ play, Arthur. I suspect we’re about to find out whether or not you _can_.”

 

“Thanks, Douglas. How about penguin?”

 

“Penwing? What’s dirty about penglings?”

 

“Nothing’s dirty about penguins, Skip. They preen their feathers every day to keep them clean. I have a book.”

 

“But why shouldn’t they be mentioned until after the watershed?”

 

“Well, as I said, I have a book. So I know penguins need to swim in the water to find their food. And the ones in zoos have those little sheds to live in. That’s what those of us with scientific knowledge refer to as their ‘habitat’ — water and a shed. It wouldn’t be right to have them before the watershed; that would be like putting the cart before the horse.” 

 

“Oh — that reminds me — smutty buckskin.”

 

“What’s a smutty buckskin?”

 

“It’s a horse of a different colour. Shouldn’t you be working, Arthur?”

 

“I thought you said I could play.”

 

“Yes, but I’ve heard half a dozen call buttons go off since you’ve been on the flight deck. Don’t you think you ought to go and figure out what the passengers want?”

 

“I’m sure I won’t have any trouble with that. Mum sent me on a course on Understanding What People Want in Ipswich.”

 

“My guess is they mostly want to get the hell out of Ipswich.”

 

“Now, that’s where you’d be wrong, Douglas. There are six main things that people want. Firstly, there’s—”

 

_*DING*_

 

“At the moment, I think what our passengers want is for you to be in the cabin, rather than on the flight deck.”

 

“Right, Skip. I’ll just go, then.”

 

“Where were we? Oh, yes. Your turn, Martin.”

 

“Booby.”

 

“Weiner dog.”

 

“I don’t think David Attenborough would ever use the term weiner dog. And there’s nothing objectionable about the word dachshund.”

 

“There is if it’s a dachshund bitch. Speaking of which, have you met Carolyn’s dog? It’s a cockapoo. That certainly counts.”

 

“Okay. How about cockchafer.”

 

“Now you’re the one making things up.”

 

“No I’m not. The cockchafer is another name for the May bug.”

 

“Alright, then. Woodcock.”

 

“Woodpecker.”

 

“Oh, there are a lot of good woodpeckers. The bar-bellied woodpecker. The red-rumped woodpecker. The hairy woodpecker. The freckle-breasted woodpecker. The scaly-bellied woodpecker. The black-and-buff woodpecker. The red-cockaded woodpecker. Nuttall’s woodpecker…”

 

“While we’re on a bird theme, there are a lot of great tits, too. In fact, one of them is actually called the great tit. Then we’ve got the elegant tit, the dusky tit, the fire-capped tit…”

 

“Not to mention the classic bushtit!”

 

“Um, gents, sorry to interrupt your game, but the Sisters of Perpetual Purity want to know how much longer until we land in Rome. And their Mother Superior is requesting that you turn off the cabin address system.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Cabin Pressure fic. I hope those of you who followed me here from the Sherlock fandom enjoyed reading something a wee bit different. And I hope those of you in the Cabin Pressure fandot will welcome me with open cargo bay doors.
> 
> Kind comments and kudos are, as Arthur would say, BRILLIANT!


End file.
